So as you can probably tell T and I have not been legally separated and obviously not divorced yet. He no longer lives in my house and I have moved his crap into a storage unit, but that is the extent of our separation.
T travels and is “required to work” weird hours and sometimes weekends so this apparently gives him a license to have visitation when it is convenient for him and to hell with me and my plans. Surprising? Hell no, frustrating? You have no freakin idea!
So this weekend he is hell bent on take our boys camping, I explained that it would be more convenient for ME and the BOYS if he took them the weekend of the 9th. Ahh see that is where I screwed up! I expressed my convenience stupid, stupid, stupid, mistake… Word to the wise NEVER, NEVER express a preference when you are dealing with a world class crazy jackass! See in T’s world he is the center and the rest of the world revolves around him. So this means my plans are to be destroyed! ALWAYS!
Funny he is hell bent on taking the boys camping because all of his little friends (who are 22)are going to be there! This has nothing to do with our kids and everything to do with a token daddy moment so he looks like the cool Disney land dad that has the f**king money to do things with them, while I am scrapping by and can’t even afford the food they like. This shit pisses me of so bad I am shaking! I have never hated someone, until now!
I want to scream and tell him how much of a asshat he is! How much of a worthless piece of shit…How much I wish he would get out of my life and that he is the biggest mistake I have ever made. I want my GOD DAMN LIFE BACK, I want the years he has abused me back!
Funny he tells me that HE is bending over backwards to meet all of my needs! Are you kidding? He has never met ANY of my needs unless they had something to do with his dick or they coincided with his needs. I am collateral damage. I and those boys have always been collateral damage.
I can’t say all that I want to T because (a) I am afraid of him on some level. (b) I want a uncontested separation agreement (c) I might become violent towards him if I actually let go of all this rage and hatred.
I keep asking over and over how someone can treat another human being like this? I am a f**king human being. I have feelings, I am a good person, I would never treat someone like the crap you scrape off the bottom of your shoe. I have never intentionally lied to someone so I could have sex with whomever I wanted… I have never put my children on a shelf only to take them down and play with then when it was convenient. I don’t understand this!
I can not even express the extent of my pain. I just don’t have the words and my vocabulary at this moment is seriously lacking. The emotional damage runs so deep I wonder if I will ever recover or if I will ever be a whole person again. It hurts so much at times I am paralyzed. Kinda stupid to allow someone who continues to drives knives in your back… Maybe one day I will be intelligent and emotionally healthy.
This post I am not going to reread so if there are any errors in my grammar, punctuation, or sentence structure I apologize
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