Shut Up and Drive

As I am sure, I have stated before, music is the drug of choice around here. I honestly believe that music sooths the soul. It says the thing you can’t put into words yourself, it can be happy, sad, bouncy, just plain fun, and it helps purge toxic emotions that will only bring you down. Music is my constant companion.

The song Shut Up and Drive by Chely Wright keeps playing over and over in my mind. If you have ever heard the song I am sure you can imagine why I have it stuck in my head, but for those that don’t, I will repost the lyrics… and I am sure it will be obvious, but I will explain why this song rings so true with me.

Shut up and drive, You don't know what you're talking about.  He's not the one, You ought to know that by now. You've got one of those hearts, That keeps changing your mind, Your heart has a way of making you stay, So shut up and drive 

My heart is the only reason I am still here… And that foul dirty word called hope!

Don't look in the mirror, He might have that look in his eyes, The one thats so strong, It strangles your will to survive, He's mastered the art Of looking sincere. His eyes have a way of making you stay
Don't look in the mirror

T has mastered his craft that is for damn sure! For being a psychotic sociopath he can make anyone this he is sincere, and he has always found a way to make me WANT to stay… With the “I’m sorry’s”, and “I will try” well yes you are sorry, and your ability to try leaves much to be desired! But more importantly he did strangle my will to break free.

I'm the voice you never listen to, And I had to break your heart to make you see, That he's the one who will be missing you, And you'll only miss the man, That you wanted him to be

This statement/verse is the one that  caught me… I never listened to my gut ( I have always listened to my conscience  so I believe in my case it’s the gut voice). I believe that T will miss me when he realizes I am truly gone. When he sees that, I don’t freakin care, and I am no longer available to him. I cant wait for this day to come…

That is not the whole song but it’s the pertinent parts to me…  I listen to this song and I think I’m almost there. I am almost at a point where I can file for separation. I am almost free!  I get to escape from prison. I cant freakin wait!

You know in a previous post I said I wanted my life back… That is a miss statement! I want MY version of my NEW life.  I want a life that he only holds a miniscule corner that deals with his interactions with the kids.. But my personal life will be just for me… 

Oh it’s a pretty dream! But is it even within my reach or will T always be the zit that will never pop and will never go away. You know the one that never comes to a head and is just icky and painful, but you cant do a darn thing to get rid of it? Let’s hope not because I might just cut the damn zit off its resting place… I would rather live with a scare than it…